When PMS and ADHD Collide

Sarah 03:51

This is the Adulting With ADHD podcast self empowerment for women with ADHD. Today, I am excited to have with us Lonnie Michelle. I self described melanated ADHD and confidence coach. Lonnie, how's it going? It's going good. I'm happy to have you and thank you so much for continuing to contact me because I've been having all the problems with all the channels. So I'm so glad I am. We finally connected. And I'm so happy to have you here. I guess first of all, we should jump into your diagnosis. You told me you were 19 when you were diagnosed? How did that come about? Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

Lani 04:44

Sure. So um, I decided to go to therapy at the beginning of I believe last year. And I was being treated for a diagnosed and I had been being treated for depression and anxiety, at which point I started like Getting better with those things. And I'm just like, you know, that's not it. I'm just like, that's really not it. So I started doing this research because I've always had an attention span problem, like my whole life. I've been seeing it for years. I've never studied anything in my life. And so I'm just like, yeah, that's not it. I started doing a bunch of research on ADHD. And I was just like, oh, what's up? Oh, okay. So I spoke to my therapist about it. She didn't really, you know, take me to write, she was just like, Yeah, well, you know, we don't usually get medical, because they found a way to deal with it. And I was just like, well, I'm kind of sitting here telling you right now, but that's not the case. But whatever. Um, so I realized I spoke to my parents about it a little bit. But really, I realized it was something that I was going to have to take the reins on and kind of take care of myself. So I did, I did all my research found out that ADHD looks different in women. So I was not going to be the, you know, skittish little boy that you see, it's a little smart, little quiet girls that are like that. And so I took the steps. I was like shaking hands, called a doctor, a new doctor, because I usually used to go to a pediatrician, but you know, now as an adult, so I was like, I have to call him doctor. So it's not even somebody that I know. So I call the doctor and I'm just like, Hey, thank you have ADHD. Can I come in? So I went in? She was just like, Yeah, sure. I'll give you a recommendation to someone that can touch you. And I went, and to this day, the lady that tested me is the only person that I have talked to that actually knows. You know what it looks like? She was saying these things like sometimes Yeah, and I'm just like, yes. Oh, yeah. Mm hmm. Right. And the potential where, you know, the potential where the that that I've heard it my whole life, like, Oh, you knew it, um, you have so much potential, you just don't apply yourself. And I was just like, man, yes, I've heard that. So I got my test. Then I convinced myself that I was faking the whole thing, and that she was gonna call me back and tell me that no, you don't have ADHD.

Sarah 07:05

You wait, and then

Lani 07:08

I went back inside, and she was not tested, like, super high.

Sarah 07:11

Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Okay.

Lani 07:15

No, super hot. No, but she was calling me back for the results. Looking at my results on paper, and I think there was the only part that was like, right, barely diagnoseable or, like, low diagnoseable was the hyperactivity but I was like, that's not new information for me. But I mean, I tested like high for it. Wow, good for having intuition. And, like, that's not it. There's more going on, and then be for being your own advocate in the doctor's office. Because that? I mean, have you have you had to do that a lot. In your experience? Yeah, you're right. Yeah. I haven't. I'm very big. I know everybody else. Yeah, super huge. Step out of my anxiety. Totally. And I'm just like, Listen, this is my brother.

Sarah 08:09

I recently said something to my gynecologist about some hormones and ADHD related. And same thing. I mean, he just kind of like blew the whole thing off. And, and I'm just like, Okay, well, where does that leave me? Speaking of hormones, kind of want to talk to you a bit about You said you had some tips for hormone for PMS. And I was curious, do you? Do you notice your ADHD symptoms clashing with your PMS? Do you sense a relationship? Yeah,

Lani 08:47

I do. And I didn't at first. My PMS. I don't get like, what's the worst physical pain until like, maybe a day or two before however, emotionally, I turn into like this whole different person about 11 days prior. And I'm just like, Oh my God, because I used to struggle with depression really bad when I was 16. And so the first time I experienced depression, so far out from my period, it was coming back. EMF because it's 11 days now be ridiculous. We know.

Sarah 09:22

Well,

Lani 09:26

like okay, well, fine, good. But um, it totally does. So I when I realized that was the the connection that it really was that yeah, it changes everything. You know, you can just reframe something where it's just like, this is not my situation. This is just my next 10 days. So that's been really helpful for me in like, not expecting as much out of myself during that time as I would when it's not that time since I just feel like, like giving yourself grace as a second because when I have those days I can't, I just, it's harder for me to do it. If I can do 1213 tasks in a day when I'm not pm messing them, that's what I'll do. If when I am, I need to just do five or six or take a day off or what I like

Sarah 10:16

to do versus taking care of your food. Like, you know, you're gonna hit some walls, and you're preparing. And then I also like the taking advantage when things are good. I mean, I just spoke to an ADHD coach for another episode. And that's, that's one of the things she tells her clients as well is, when you are in that zone, like Milka get as much done as you can, because you don't know when you're gonna get that again, you know? Yeah, so how, um, any other any other tips the PMS because I feel like, for you, it seems like the self love and the confidence are a huge part of this. And it seems like the strategies you're offering are, that they're centered around that the self love and confidence, it's not

like you're trying to force yourself into this, like, I'm going to be someone who doesn't have a period for 10 days and pretend like everything's fine. Like, I love I love your approach there. Any other sort of things you do to get you through the rough week.

Lani 11:26

So, like, I do see the side of, Okay, this is what we can do to get things done. And I appreciate that side of my value that side, because I would also need to implement some of that. For me, it's important, even when I'm not pm messing to honor where I'm at, you know, I'm a very big at honoring where I'm at. If I have 10 tasks for the day, you know, you have 10 times a day, sometimes you don't get through all of them. I used to beat myself up or I'm a failure, or I'm this or I'm a guy and No, I'm not. I just had a less productive day than I would have expected to have. So I'm very, my I would say my biggest tip is just honor where you're at, you're not what you do, you are what you are. That's what I keep on saying I keep on saying the fact that you're you wrote a list or the fact that you know, you didn't write a list, but you whatever it wherever you're at, be like, you know what, this is where I'm at for today. And tomorrow, I'm going to try to do better. And if I don't do better tomorrow, it's not condoning stagnant behavior. But I found that it's, it's an unproductive emotion to be like, Oh, I'm a failure. I'm at this moment that you sit in that and then you don't get things done, because you feel like you're a failure, never get it done. But if you tell yourself like, Hey, you know what, today, it wasn't that strong of a day, but I'm gonna try to get a good night's sleep tonight. And I'm gonna see what I can get done tomorrow. So just giving yourself Grace is really big in the ADHD conversation and also in the self worth conversation, where you're not absolutely

Sarah 13:01

adequate. reckoning of, we were so production focused. And, and I I don't I don't know about you. But for me, it just became so glaringly obvious how much I was tying my self worth to my production. And it was like, oh, if I'm not doing this, what am I? Yeah. That's, that's great that you're so how did you get into coaching? When did that start? Yeah.

Lani 13:32

So I feel like, I've always really been a coach. Like with my friends, even before I was there. I was behind them like, no, you're amazing. No, you need to leave that dude. Because you're this person. And you're that,

Sarah 13:47

right.

Lani 13:50

Let's outsource. Yeah.

Sarah 13:51

You're the friend. You're the friend with the with the good advice the same. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, do you have any projects you're working on? I think you've been doing some webinars? Is that right? Okay.

Lani 14:19

I have a show coming up. I have two shows. One, that's next week, Tuesday, and the other one is going to be next year, but I haven't started filming for that yet. Um, that's, that's my big thing. And everyone are coming up after my show, as well. I'm really excited. It's about self care. Actually. I'm just we have a lot of stuff that's going on. Once again, we have a lot of stuff that's going on and how often do we say okay, I'm gonna take the day off. This is for me, I'm gonna take a bath or drink a glass of wine or put some candles on and take care of myself. So that's really what the show is about. And I have some speakers that I'll be interviewing that kind of will navigate that conversation. I

Sarah 14:57

am so glad for that. I feel We could use all over the world. Glad to have you on the show today. Where can people find you online? Where do you I see you on Instagram. Are you anywhere else? Is that your main platform? Right

Lani 15:19

is my main platform. I have a Facebook page. They're good, but, you know, I have ADHD. So let's, I'm honing right now. Yeah, I met Lani. Michelle on Instagram, and on Facebook, but again, Instagram is my main squeeze. Tick Tock is what's the

Sarah 15:37

handle. Lonnie, want to show?

Lani 15:41

And yeah.

Sarah 15:47

Well, Donnie, thank you so much, really. And I Oh, and I'm looking forward to be bringing out there. Yeah, no problem. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for good luck out there. And we'll

Lani 16:05

do one. All right.

Sarah 16:08

Take care. Bye bye.

Lani 16:15

All right. Thank you. You too.