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Ovaries, ADHD & More! With Catie Osborn and Erik Gude


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Today I talk with Catie Osborn and Erik Gude, co-hosts of Catie and Erik’s Infinite Quest: An ADHD Adventure. Also known as @catieosaurus and @heygude on TikTok, Catie shares a diagnosis story related to ovarian hormone issues that is going to relate to a lot of listeners. Erik later joins us and we talk about vulnerability and the big moment ADHD Twitter and ADHD TikTok are having right now.

If you liked this interview, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review! You also can support the show at https://patreon.com/adultingwithadhd.

Sarah 0:02

All right. This is the adulting with ADHD podcast self empowerment for women with ADHD storytime, there was once a pandemic and I was couldn't sleep for several several days. And so I started goofing around on tik tok. And turns out there's a lot of really awesome ADH people on tik tok. And I have two of them here today. We're gonna talk to to Katie Osborne, also known as cadia Saurus. And hey, good, Eric. Good. Who will have on later Hey, Katie. How's it going? Hi,

Catie 0:38

thank you so much for having me. This is awesome.

Sarah 0:40

I am so excited to be talking to you today because you have no idea how much entertainment you have provided me.

Catie 0:48

Well, thank you,

Sarah 0:49

not just entertainment, but education and just feeling less alone and oh, well,

Unknown Speaker 0:54

thank you. Really kind of.

Sarah 0:56

So thank you so much for being here. Um, for those who aren't familiar, why don't you tell us a little bit about what you're all about and your your Tick Tock sister Kovac is such an

Unknown Speaker 1:07

open ended.

Catie 1:09

Right? Well,

it's it's weird because Oh, okay. All right. So I'm Katie. I go by Katie source on tik tok. I primarily talk about ADHD and like kink and sex. Sometimes I talk about Shakespeare sometimes I write sassy songs on my ukulele of those and I don't know, sometimes I just shitpost it's, it's kind of a mixed bag. I make no promises. But yeah, I mean, I I started, I got a tick tock in November of last year, because my sister got mad at me because she was like, You never respond to my snapchats. And now, you don't even have a tic tocs. My sister is like 10 years younger than me. And I was like, Okay, first off, I still haven't figured out how Snapchat works. Because Snapchat is shockingly complicated. It is a very, there's a lot there's like filters and little, it doesn't matter. Anyway. So I really frustrated I was like, fine, I will download Tick Tock and tick tock seems simple, and it was like whatever. And then one day I posted a video, kind of making fun of another user's video. Like it wasn't it was out of love. But it was one of those like things in my ADHD house that just make sense. And that video blew up and then it turned out that there are a lot of people on tik tok who like to know that other people have massive pile of boxes in every room of their house and they feel a little bit less love my crates I beautified it's still quiet. I like your crates, because you can see into them like that's very that's very creepy. Yeah. But but then yeah. And so then it turned out that there was like this whole community of people who just wanted to learn about their brains. And I said, Well, I like brains. I don't know, I don't like I wish I had a better story. Like, it's not a good story. It's my sister yelled at me and I got a ticket.

Sarah 3:01

That was it. That's both an amazing story. Because I was one of those snap. Like, I worked with a lot of people who were on Snapchat, but had zero idea what it was about. And I just knew that I wasn't ever going to figure it out. And it keeps changing. They keep changing it every time I log back in after six months of not using it. It's a completely different app. I get so stressed. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's all fine. And it's so funny, because, like I never would have thought I'd be a tech talker. But full circle moment. My very first duet was one of your ADHD challenges. Oh.

Catie 3:42

That's I mean, that's pretty good. It's so weird. It's so weird to think about how that happens. I don't know. I had I was gonna say something profound, but then I lost it halfway. No, it's just so to drink for coffee,

Sarah 3:57

honey. Yeah, it's hilarious. So yeah, it's just so this is like, recently became a hormone podcast. But obviously we don't have to talk about hormones all day. But I am interested though, and the the sex and kink and ADHD angle as well as it seems like you have a lot of users who are they must they must be younger, you're giving them advice on how to survive all this stuff. You know, it's

Catie 4:27

weird that you say that because i i think it's just you know, like that the All Hail Lord algorithm. But like for me, I sort of didn't realize that I was talking to a younger audience until much later into into tik tok, which is weird, but I think it's just because like my algorithm only shows me generally people my age or older and so like, I don't have a lot of kids on my feed. And so like my feedback loop is of course everyone on tik tok is in there like late to Late 20s, mid 30s. And like, we all just vibe and talk about cake, and then I'm like, Oh, no, like most of this app is 12 year olds. Great. Um, so for me, I think what happened was two things. I think I approached it with the mindset of I just wanted to educate like, I wasn't ever thinking about educating 12 year olds versus 22 year olds. But I was just like, I'm really passionate about this. And I really think it's important that people understand that ADHD is not just seven year old boys running around to kindergarten class, like, that is not what ADHD is. But that is still the perception even with like, a lot of medical people. Yeah. And like, and mental health people is like, oh, like, you have two master's degrees, you can possibly have ADHD, I'm like, Oh, no, my friend. Um, and so that was the first part was like, I just wanted to educate across the board. But because my background is in academia, and teaching and performing, I had this sort of, like, I don't want to like toot my own horn and be like, I'm so great at things. But like, I had the opportunity to, like performatively educate, if that makes sense. So like, I was able to, like I really enjoy using examples where like, I'm going to put post it notes up on the wall, I'm going to like pour the water into the cup, or like, like the clown nose thing, but I was like, really hung up on for a while got like real weird with the clock noses. But I started doing that. And I think what happened was, I've worked with a lot of students, lots of different ages, lots of different backgrounds. And universally, the thing that I found was if you talk to a child, like they are an adult, reason, I mean, don't be inappropriate. But if you treat a child, like they have agency, and they have, you know, a purpose in the world, they will respond to you. Yes. And I think that's what happened is I was making video in my head, I was making videos for adults. And I was like, I'm going to talk to the 30 year olds who are like me, and they got a late diagnosis. But 12 year olds are watching it and going, Oh, she sees me. She's like she understands and she's not talking down to me and going like do Simpson, you need to knit like because I hate I hated that when I was a kid. And so I think that's what happened is I inadvertently started talking to a different audience than the one that I ever intended to talk to. But it's been really gratifying. It's been so gratifying. People call me mom. Like, and it's, and it's weird, and I don't know how to feel about it. But like, a lot of people will be like, oh, Katie, ADHD, or, you know, Katie, oh, sores. She's my tic Tock mom. And like, they will come like kids have come out to me before they have come out to their parents, like people, you know, like and that like that sort of responsibility and that sort of relationship to the community on Tick Tock and you know, now outside of Tick Tock like the discord server and the podcast and everything that makes me realize how important it is that we make accessible education, no matter the age, no matter the age range, you know, and and that is something that has become really, really important to me. That was a very long meandering answer. I

Sarah 8:12

know. It was brilliant, because that's something I think about a whole lot. Especially because I have a daughter. And it's highly inheritable from Yeah, yeah. I think about that a lot. Because I think if I had the resources that exist now, including tech talkers, like yourself, but also just the knowledge of the playing field, the playing field would be completely

Catie 8:42

here. My life. Like I've ranted about this so many different times. And I realized at this point, I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but like, my life would be completely different. Like come like, I cannot stress how different my life would be, if I had known what I know about ADHD now, as a 16 year old I get I get so is like the one thing and I'm sorry, you just want like with a can of worms, but like no, no, no, this and I don't think I I get more angry about that than I think anything else like, you know, I get frustrated at myself and I get I'm like, Oh, I can't find my keys and like I hate having depression and things are terrible and shitty and whatever. But like the connection between ADHD and eating disorders and the connection between ADHD and hormones, which I have like a whole very interesting story about ADHD hormones that I really need to tell you at some point. But you know, and ADHD and addiction and substance abuse and food is like an I like my whole life has been defined by my relationship with my body and with food, like across the board like and I'm very outspoken about the fact that like I have been in and out of recovery for bulimia for years and years and years and like 17 years, half of my life, mathematically half of my life. And I feel like if I had understood at 16, that sugar and carbs are something that my brain craves all the time. And I have to understand that I have to know that and I have to, you know, live my life around that within those structures. And those parameters like it would have changed everything. But I, I didn't know that until two years ago, when I started researching all this. And now it's like a thing that I constantly talk about people like, yeah, we get it, your life would have been different, but I'm like, I'm not it's not about me at this point. Yeah. It's not about me. And the like, it is about the fact that I'm up about Can I swear on this podcast? I'm so yeah, yeah. Okay. I was like really trying to Castaway, but but I, I'm not doing it for me. Because like, now I know, I have that information. But I feel like it is my honest to god responsibility to be like, Hey, 16 year old who looks like me? And who thinks like me, and who understands the struggle? Watch out? Yes, because you are four times more likely to develop an eating disorder, you know, you are half as likely to develop depression, like it's, you're more likely to develop depression, like, it's, those are the things that I'm just like, we I feel like I have an ethical responsibility to just yell about it until people sick or sick of hearing about it. Because like, the doctors that I went to, to get, you know, an ad, they didn't know that I like I've taught my therapists things about ADHD, like, I don't like I don't even know where I'm going with it, except I just get so heated up about the lack of education about the profound effect that ADHD has on your life. And I just, It baffles me that we're not having these conversations. I agree. The food, the food thing, and the substance abuse thing in particular.

Sarah 11:59

Totally Same, same as you, life would have been completely different. And yeah, it worked out all right. But I didn't have to suffer those decades. You know, and yeah, so I feel the same as you that's kind of we have like similar fuel for what we do. Because I definitely I see these girls and I just don't want them to go through what we went through.

Catie 12:18

I just don't absolutely that's absolutely it. And then yeah, and then the the number of people who I'm always just like, generally are ADHD usually gets worse. Like around your period. People go what it's related to your hormones. And I'm like, Yeah, I have like, let's talk about that. Yeah. What's

Sarah 12:33

your story?

Catie 12:35

Oh, my gosh, well, it's kind of gross. Is that okay? Totally fine. Um, I had an ovarian torsion. And I lost my left ovary torsion. So, so a torsion is it's actually much more common in males and male men tend to have them in their testicles and it's called a testicular torsion. Basically what and it's incredibly painful for men and women Fun fact I can I can vouch that basically what happens is a is a torsion is when something turns and the circulation is cut off, because the like the the, you know, the vein or whatever is like twisted around, like, not a doctor being cheered, maybe. Yeah, and so so on men, it happens in their testicles. And that happens a lot to kids, like young boys, this will happen. And then yeah, it's a whole thing. But it can happen in women. And it's rare, but it can happen on your ovaries. And basically what happened was, is I had a massive ovarian cyst that nobody caught. And it basically got so big that the weight of it, I'm like, I love making like hand gestures and an oral medium. I did some work with him. I was like, let me illustrate with my hands and so like useful for your listeners. But basically the the weight of the cyst, like twisted my ovary around, and so the circulation to my ovary got cut off, and it died. Like it basically died. I wanted to sepsis, I almost died. Yeah, like, it was a whole thing for a couple of days. It was great. Um, but that was when my ADHD went from, I'm struggling but I can manage to like, I can't function as a person. And it was like, overnight, and I remember sitting there and I was like, and I and and like my diagnosis story is like kind of tangentially related but basically, I was just like, why what has changed, like nothing in my life has changed except this one thing. And the one thing is that I lost an ovary which means that like my hormonal production is now like, all screwed up and my body is like all wonky. And I still feel the effects of it. Like I'm like literally feeling the effects of it today. Because like the the left side is all messed up. And so yeah, and so they had to remove the ovary and then I lost like, you know, fundamental like half of my hormones. Like and that was fun. And so yeah and so that was actually what wound up leading me to go seek a professional diagnosis because I had no idea what was wrong with me. I thought I was going crazy. Holy

Sarah 15:09

shit.

Catie 15:11

Yeah, it was really big I got this like super dumb thing happened and like that's what kicked off my ADHD so there you go. I mean kicked it off. I've been living with a my whole life, but it made it unlivable at that point.

Unknown Speaker 15:21

Holy shit. And the fact that we don't think about this this is this is I'm talking about like, what the fight?

Catie 15:27

Yeah, yeah. Like, like, no one. I mean, I had suspected that I had ADHD since I was probably 14 or 15. But I was a gifted and talented kid, I was very academically successful. And so people like I mean, I'm sure you've heard the story over and over and over again, but it was just like, Well, you know, it's, you're just lazy. That's why you can't keep your room clean. You're just not applying yourself. Like you're so good at school. You're so good at English. Like you're so good at writing. But, you know, you just need to try harder to keep your room clean. Like it was that kind of shit, right? And so then when I got so then when I had the ovarian torsion and all sudden, like, my hormones were completely different. That was when it started affecting, like, the more professional success parts of my life. And I went, Oh, shit, like this is now a problem that is affecting my personal and professional relationships and standings and and what's the word that I want? reputation? And so that was when I was like, Okay, I have to go get help. I have to talk to somebody and

Sarah 16:36

income to be frank. I mean, how are you going to eat? Like,

Catie 16:41

yeah, well, and I mean, at the time, like I was, I was performing I was I was, I was, I mean, I've been doing Shakespeare professionally for almost 12 years now. Mostly, is my job. And I was I was in a show, I was doing three shows at once it was rep season. And I was playing leads and all three of the shows. With chefs who don't want to brag, I'm kind of a big deal. But I hate telling the story, because it sounds so self indulgent, like First off, let me tell you about how good I am at Shakespeare. But like, basically what happened was, is I couldn't remember my lines. Wow. Like I like and, and it was like, it was a really short rehearsal process was very intense rehearsal process, because we were trying to put up three shows simultaneously at once was, there's a lot to keep in your head, even if you're like a neurotypical actor. But then all of a sudden, like, I couldn't sit down to focus. I couldn't remember my lines, I couldn't find the motivation to sit. And I was like, I remember, it was like, two weeks before the first show was supposed to open. And I had like, half of my lines memorized. And I'm like a hard worker. And I'm a person who takes like a lot of pride in like being prepared and being on time and being WordPerfect. And like that kind of thing. And I just sat in my living room, and I was like, staring at the script. And I was trying to remember this speech, and I was just weeping. I was just weeping over this dumb speech that wouldn't go into my head, and I didn't know what's wrong. And I seriously thought that I had dementia. I was I was, I seriously thought, I have early onset dementia, I am going crazy. This is going to be the reality for the rest of my life. I'm never going to be able to remember Shakespeare again. I'm losing like, and I just spiraled. I just spiraled so hard. But my friend Dan was living with me at the time. And he looked at me and he was like, You have ADHD? dipshit. And I was like, What? And he was like, cuz he does too. And, and he was like, hunt like, friend, you have you need, like, go talk to us. And so he called for me, like, I couldn't call like I like and that's a part of the story. I don't tell a lot of people's like, I didn't you know, write it on my magical horse and like advocate for myself. I had to have a friend help me because I didn't know how. Because I'd never done it before. I never made that call. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how worked. Which is funny now because people ask me all the time. Like how do I do this? What I'm like nah, ha No, I can teach you because I had someone Teach me. And yeah, and so I called and literally like the like, I got an appointment for a couple weeks. I powered through those shows. Not my best work, but it was fine. And I got diagnosed the day before my 30th birthday. So happy birthday. What is my? Well, my birthday is on Saturday. So it's my three year anniversary of officially having ADHD.

Yeah. Oh,

Sarah 19:41

cool. I also had to have a friend push me into the door. Yeah,

Catie 19:45

yeah, it's and it's so funny because I don't know if you have this experience, but people messaged me a lot. And they say, Well, how do I talk to my parents? How do I talk to my doctor? And I realized like, I've gotten a little jaded about it, because like now I'm so comfortable with advocating for myself and I'm so comfortable, you know, being able to ask for help and that kind of thing that sometimes I have to check myself and remember that, like, I'm talking to 12 year olds, and so being able to teach people like, okay, it's not a big deal. It's not, it's really not scary. It's not it's, you don't have to overthink it, like, just go in and tell them what you know. And I have like, a little thing now that I just send and I say, Okay, here's some resources. And here's, like, you know, what you did. Um, but, but having to remember that, like, I was there myself, Dan had to help me. So I could learn to help other people. And I think that sort of, I feel that responsibility now of like, because I had that privilege. And I had that friend in my life and like, I want to be that person. If people need it, you know, out. Break my hand on my desk. That's useful while making a very good point.

Unknown Speaker 20:54

Yeah.

Catie 20:56

So say

Sarah 20:57

100%. So that's a good segue into your tic Tock journey. And Eric, and Do you want to? Should we bring Eric on and talk about well, he's currently sleeping.

Catie 21:11

Well, hold on, let me kick. Okay. Eric, wake up. Yes. So I have a baby Yoda marshmallow. plushie. And Eric's decided that's where he sleeps now. So that's cool. Okay, we have to figure out how the headphones situation is going to work. Well, can

Erik 21:28

we just take the audio from any computer?

Catie 21:32

I guess we could do that. Yeah, we didn't think you're gonna have to edit this part out. Yeah. How do I do that?

Erik 21:40

You're gonna take Okay, you

Sarah 21:42

do what you need. Helen knows what to do. I have a very good Hi, Eric. How's it going?

Catie 21:46

How are you?

Unknown Speaker 21:47

I am great. Hear you back? You can't hear me.

Catie 21:51

Oh, could you turn it like way up?

All the way up. Maybe?

This is a dumb idea. This might be a dumb idea. Hmm.

Sarah 22:02

Can you work off your computer audio and unplug your headphones actually be loud enough?

Catie 22:09

Yeah, we just cranked the audio up on the headphones. I think we should be.

Unknown Speaker 22:12

Yeah, let's see.

Erik 22:14

Can I spend a lot of time editing podcasts? So I know how annoying is that? stuff out?

Catie 22:20

What Hey, there. Sorry. We have ADHD

Sarah 22:24

do? We do and Helens magical and she gets it so she won't mind? Helens. My, my producer. I don't think I've ever officially called her that. Hi, Helen. You're your producer.

Catie 22:38

We have a question is is Helen a fictional person like our producer? Helen really

Sarah 22:42

does exist. It's a very new relationship. It's been. This is our third episode.

Erik 22:47

This week, this convention that we do when when we need to move on from a subject and we're sort of like ranting and rambling. Yeah. We have this producer named Brian

Unknown Speaker 22:56

who tells us how people are gonna know the brain. Oh,

Sarah 22:59

this is gonna be an outtake. We're gonna cut it all out.

Catie 23:04

Here's what happens when you ADHD idiots forget that. They need headphones.

Erik 23:08

Good job, everybody. Well, the whole The secret is Katy

Catie 23:12

Bryan was in our hearts the whole time. It was it was it was about the brightest that we learned along the way.

Oh, anyway, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 23:24

Tick Tock. You don't stop. Okay, so

Catie 23:28

I'm just want Rosie O'Donnell. Notice me

Unknown Speaker 23:30

why know

Catie 23:32

what? This is like how Rosie O'Donnell has been ending all over. Tick Tock video. She just goes Tick Tock. You don't stop. Stop.

Erik 23:41

Please switch this to.

Catie 23:43

Yes. Hold on. Eric needs to adjust the mic. here. There we go. Got it. Boom. Okay, now we're good. All right, Helen.

Sarah 23:52

We're gonna take it from here. Okay. Let's see what he's saying. I was like, this is a good segue cuz then we're gonna talk about

Catie 23:59

Oh, you said it's a great time to talk about your journey and bringing Eric so here's Eric.

Sarah 24:03

Hi, Eric. How's it going? Well, hello, Eric.

It's going very well. How are you? Good, Eric

good. Is that right?

Erik 24:10

Good. That's me. Yes. It's good. Like dude, but with a G

Unknown Speaker 24:14

okay. And you're

Catie 24:17

unsuccessful? You

Erik 24:19

you do a dip song you go viewed I

Catie 24:21

go cute. I like that liquid you liquid you. transatlantic

Sarah 24:28

fancy and you're Hey, good on. Tick Tock. Right.

Erik 24:32

That is crazy. Good on Tick Tock. Correct. was very happy when I found out that name was available. I was shocked. Yeah,

Sarah 24:36

cuz it's like, Hey, dude, the Nickelodeon show, right? Is that exactly nice.

Unknown Speaker 24:42

Hey, it's also like, Hey, dude. Don't make it bad.

Unknown Speaker 24:47

But I say a lot.

Erik 24:49

Yeah, yeah.

I think that a lot. She does.

Yeah, but yeah, I mean, we don't Tick Tock

similar. Tick Tock ADHD stuff. Gotta I got Tiktok during the pandemic, it was right after California went into shelter in place on March 16. I'm a cook by professional cooks slash Baker. And when shelter in place happened, our restaurant just hard shut down. And they realized that they could maybe give us like, two hours a week. Yeah, if you know to just to keep us working, but they realized it would probably be better to lay us all off so we could go on unemployment. So anyways, I had a job and then kaboom, I have nothing to do for the foreseeable future, and I can't leave my house. So I sort of sat in my room and tossed and turned in my bed and I like to make little models so I did that. But at some point, I was just like, I just needed to exhaust every possible option of something to do. And so Tick Tock exists on so I downloaded that and I spent a couple days like looking at all the cool filters like oh, I can make like four of myself. This is fun. Yeah, and I made a couple videos of me saying like sentences that I think are funny, like, man that's that's an awful lot of waffle falafel.

Unknown Speaker 26:08

You know, stuff I enjoy.

Sarah 26:09

Yeah.

Catie 26:10

hyperactivity.

Erik 26:12

Oh.

Oh, Katie's gonna Taz inattentive type ADHD. And I have hyperactive

Catie 26:22

gather.

Erik 26:25

We are the most difficult podcast guests.

Sarah 26:29

These makes great interviews. These are awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. How did you guys meet and tell us about all that?

Catie 26:37

Yeah, so I was August. What was it? 11 for the 16th. I always forget it. No, August. Doesn't matter. Anyway, it was August. Sorry. So it was August. Yes. This summer. The evening was long male of juniper berries. But basically, what happened was I like I just saw one of Eric's videos. And I was like, he seems cool. And then I think you commented on one of my videos or something. And so like, we have like, commented back and forth a little bit. And then finally, I was like, fuck it. And so I messaged Eric, and I said, by the laws of ADHD, tick tock, we have to do a collaboration. Because I was just like, he seems fun and like, whatever. And so then we're like, yeah, and so like for the next like, week, we kept being we kept missing each other because he lives in California, it was three hours ahead. So like, we were like, always either texting each other at like three o'clock in the morning, or like missing each other. And finally, we're like, okay, we're just gonna call each other we're gonna figure out this co lab and then it'll be fine.

Erik 27:37

One minute video,

Catie 27:38

one minute video. The goal was a one minute video,

Erik 27:40

a one minute video,

Catie 27:42

we talked that first night. It was really good. I was really proud of you. We talked that first night for like four and a half hours. And then we're like, oh, we forgot to talk about the video. And so then I was like, I'll call you back tomorrow. So I called him back tomorrow, the next day. And we talked for like, three hours. And we're like, oh, shit, we forgot to talk about the video. And this happened for like, a week. And then finally, I don't even remember who suggested it. But one of us was like, we should record our conversations.

Erik 28:16

Oh, yeah. Like we I reminded of the I don't remember. Do you know who said this, I think I'm gonna say was Mark Twain's Jojo total guests. But he said, I'm sorry, I would have written a shorter letter, but I didn't have the time. Which I think is hilarious, because it's really hard to make something brief and short. And I think it was sort of we could feel that we had way more to say like with each other with our both of our unique experiences. Yeah, that how we couldn't condense it into a one minute video. That would be felt would actually say what we wanted to say, because we were still figuring out what we wanted to say. And so that became sort of like, okay, we're just gonna, yeah, it's not a short letter. We're just gonna write a huge

Catie 28:56

Yeah. And so like our first couple episodes of our podcast, were literally just like me in bed and like a hat. I don't know. Let's talk about stuff.

Erik 29:07

How did you get diagnosed with tic toc? Was

Catie 29:09

it really like have a plan? Like we just kind of were like, wow, like, maybe people will want to listen to this. And then Holy shit. People wanted to listen. Oh, yeah. And that was like, the most startling thing of all, was the fact that like, almost overnight, like we just had an audience, right? Like, it was

Erik 29:28

it was it was it was very much so like a repeat of what happened with Tick Tock. Yeah. So like, well, so bear with me after I finished playing with all the filters and whatever I had one day where my ADHD was real bad, like I was I was I walked across my apartment, then thought of something else and walk back and then thought of something else and walk back and I was like, oh my gosh. And then I realized, like, this is authentic. This is an experience that I could describe, and I've had my whole life. I've been trying to describe what it's like to have ADHD and you just didn't I have not like, I'm not like grabbing people in the streets being like, this is what it's like.

Unknown Speaker 30:04

Haha.

Erik 30:05

But I've been figuring out imagine

Sarah 30:06

what that would look like I demand a video on that

Erik 30:15

PhD nearly on the street, but just I'm not that famous.

Unknown Speaker 30:20

We can't be in the street.

Erik 30:23

So after I, you know, so I had this terrible ADHD moment. And so I just threw up my phone, and just was like, so this is what it's like having ADHD. And I was like, I need to take the trash out. But I can't do that. Because when I figure if I'm like, leaving my room to take the trash out in might as well like, bring the dishes in my room into the kitchen, then while I'm at the debt, but at the same time, it'll just do the dishes. And there was this whole spiral that really happened. And then I woke up the next day, and it like, had like 5060 100,000 views or something like that. And it was this moment of like, Oh, my gosh, this really resonates with people. And then people sort of commenting on stuff. And I would just say like, Well, actually, and I would respond to the comment. And it grew very fast. And so it was sort of a similar experience. I feel like when we threw up the podcast for the first time, like just the first really rough episode, and we got feedback and people saying, like, I've never heard people talk the way that I taught

Catie 31:13

that. That was the weird thing was like I always like, that's like the feedback we keep hearing is like, I've never heard a podcast, we're like I can I just I understand. Yeah, you've gone down a different rabbit holes, but like, I get it. And I'm like, and that's that's really cool. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 31:30

I guess.

Erik 31:32

It's also like, when I'm editing I am I, we were doing this last night I, I stutter a lot like, oh, I'll try to look real or I'll start a sentence and then think of a different way to say it. So it's all started over. And I get really insecure about that. And so I'm tempted in the, you know, the post production or podcast to like, cut that out. So it's nice and clean. But last night, we were just sort of like, let's leave all of that in. Yeah. Because we want the people to listening to be like, okay, like I do that people

Sarah 32:00

sound like, Yeah, exactly. Um, you know, I've had the same experience. everyone appreciates the authenticity, I think, because there are so many overly produced things out there. That even if they're for ADHD people, and I'm not throwing shade at anyone, but like, the feedback I get is they're so polished. And it's, it's, it sounds like those people have it figured out and so then they can't connect. But hearing people like you guys just shoot the shit, like I heard your first episode. And, you know, I was just picked up my breakfast and was driving and just laughing my ass off in the car. Like I hadn't laughed, and so long. Yeah, long since since I've laughed. And so like, it just a gift to hear people. Like you, you know, people like me, and they're just sitting there shooting the shit. You know, and especially during the pandemic, I think, like, Well, I

Catie 32:54

think you have, you kind of have the same idea as us. Like, I love that you've kind of taken your podcast and like, we call it narrowing your focus in grad school. You're Yeah, and you're like really focusing on that, like conversation about like hormones and that kind of thing, which is awesome. Because like, why do we need more of that? Yeah. But it's, it's still so accessible. And like, the point that you're making is like, these aren't like, really complex. Like, you have to understand neurology, like, it's no, like, let's just talk honestly about, like our experiences and our bodies and how they like interact with each other. And I think that's really cool, you know?

Erik 33:31

Yeah, I feel like the types of content that I really appreciate him and that I try to create. And I think we're trying to create what the podcast is there. There's sort of two types that I, I'm proud of it when I do that, and like guess I'm a force for good in the world. Yeah. And that's when one, there's an educational aspect to it. When you teach something when there's like, Hey, you may not have known this, I just learned this myself, like, yeah, check this out. So there's educational, and then there's relatable, which is you're not necessarily teaching them something, you're just showing them that there are other people that do what they perhaps do, and therefore make them go okay, it's okay to be me. So like, I have one today. Exactly. And so I feel like something that you know, Katie and I have been doing is trying to not position ourselves above our audience. I think things can sort of, you know, we never want to sound like, oh, did you not know this? Well, let's tell you about well, yeah. Yeah. gifted to you. We want to be like, Hey, we're learning this stuff to like, where we like, we did research today on this. And we just, we're still in like, all of this thing that we just learned. And so we kind of want to have the sense of like, We're going on this journey together of like, of learning things and discussing it and going through all the weird emotions that comes with, you know, finding out a fact that explains the last 10 years of your life. Oh my gosh, what

Sarah 34:47

exactly, I mean, that's, it's the same. It's like, every time I have a moment like that, it's like, if it were a TV show, you'd break the fourth wall and just be like, are you effing kidding me this. It's a thing. I feel like this happens like multiple times a day where I'm like, are you? Are you serious right now? Like,

Catie 35:07

that's how I feel about like finding my community on Tick Tock. I just constantly feel like Jim looking at.

Sarah 35:13

Exactly.

Catie 35:15

That's exactly like, that's what I feel like is I just feel like there's just every day I have these moments where I'm just like, Okay, all right. Okay. Great. So

Erik 35:26

the walls are gonna come up, and people are gonna be like, congrats, you're on

Catie 35:31

the way cuz it's just, it's so much and it is so all encompassing. And like, I mean, I know I say it all the time. But it's just like ADHD affects so much more than just your ability to focus. And I feel like every time I learned something new, it is a revelation, because it's like it because you can take it and you can apply it to the next thing. Like, I literally was reading studies yesterday about the the rate of plaque on kids teeth with ADHD, and how kids with ADHD tend to have more plaque when they go to the dentist. Well, then how does that relate relate to personal height? That's what we were talking about on a podcast the other day that I was making toothbrushes, okay. But like, you know, but then Okay, so like, then personal hygiene, and then how does personal hygiene relate to structuring your day, and then how to structure your day fit into like, well, but also I have ADHD, which means that I have a higher likelihood of having depression. And then how does depression like, it's like, everything is like, Charlie, and always sunny, connected? And it's like, yeah, it starts to become almost overwhelming when you start realizing how many facets of like, every part of your every day, are profoundly affected by just your your brain's inability to produce enough dopamine to pay attention. Yes, yeah.

Erik 36:56

I think there's something happening now. Perhaps I'm just being exposed to it. But but I think it seems just even in like the past year, there's been a real growing community around ADHD. Yeah, they're really good podcasts out there. You're this one being one. There are ADHD Tick Tock creators and YouTubers, and they all kind of like, restart, you know, talk to each other. And it's just full of so much love. Like, how do we support the people that support us? Because like, honestly, like, I don't feel like we're, I don't feel like a leader of any community. I feel like I'm just I'm a part of this community. I just happen to make videos that people want. Yeah. And so there's this communal aspect of how do we connect all these dots and figure out what's going on in our heads? And I think having such a massive sample size of people have hundreds and hundreds of 1000s of people all being honest and open and telling their stories authentically. It's it's a real opportunity to hopefully try to figure out how all these things are connected, because they affect different people in different ways. And so I'm constantly shocked by you know, I'll say something just offhandedly, like in a video, and a bunch of people will say, I do that, too. I do that too. And I was like, Oh, I thought that was just me. Oh, my God. Yeah. And all these light bulbs go off. Yeah. And it just it's, I mean, it's, it's just, we're in such an interesting time for ADHD, I think, where it's really starting to get attention. It's starting to gain validity, the validity that it deserves. And I'm just thrilled that the community around it is just so full of compassion, and, and lovely ness and arts and humor and spirit.

Unknown Speaker 38:33

Yeah, it's great, amazing.

Sarah 38:34

It's such an amazing, it really is. And I, I just had the same experience with Twitter ADHD, as a tick tock ADHD, it was just this breath of fresh air, like, Oh, my gosh, I found my people finally like, and they get it. And I don't have to feel self conscious during the day when I'm around a bunch of entities or whatnot, like I don't like and then I'm also learning the language of how to buy you guys explaining to us I can take that language and use it to explain to my spouse, here's why I do that thing. So it's it's helped me become a better explainer to other people. So then we're all we all become ambassadors, and we all are able to so it's, it's funny that this all came from an app, you know, like, it's, it's a revolution on an app.

Catie 39:26

And it's just I don't know, like, for me, a lot of it comes down to the fact that I feel like I have a little bit more permission to not only advocate for myself, but also for the community. And I and I find myself doing that, like in very strange ways. And like, especially like, when I'm in conversation with like, medical professionals, or somebody who may, shall I say, have perhaps an antiquated view on ADHD like I feel like now because I have learned so much. And because I have met so many people, I can confidently say, No, you are not right, like you are incorrect. And let me educate you about the statistics of, you know, women and eating disorders in ADHD or, you know, hypo sexuality and ADHD. There's nothing morally wrong with me as a person. It's, this is part of it. And if you look at this study from 2008, and this study from 2013, and 2014, like, I, like I now feel like I think I must give myself permission, which is maybe like really pretentious to say, but having that ability to know, inherently, that, yes, my brain functions differently, and it doesn't exactly work. In an ideal way. It doesn't make me a bad person. What would make me a bad person is not educating myself, like, you know, and yeah, I mean, I don't know, like, That, to me has been one of the biggest game changers is, is feeling like I have a right to advocate for myself. I'm particularly in conversation with like, negative stereotypes and negative assumptions, and you're just being lazy and that kind of thing. And that's been, that's actually, I don't know, it's like, it's made me feel better about myself. Like I felt myself become more confident in like, yeah, I've become more confident in myself because of that. advocacy and education. Yeah, I

Erik 41:35

think one thing that I think

Catie 41:38

Sarah start to get a word

Unknown Speaker 41:40

add, it's okay. I was gonna say,

Erik 41:46

Oh, my gosh, leave it in.

Unknown Speaker 41:48

Leave. Ellen.

Sarah 41:53

I was gonna say must be pretty healing as well. Um,

Erik 41:57

oh, yes, absolutely. I think there's something if I could, like, no, snap my fingers and just put like a thing and into all of this, the community's heads, I would snap my fingers and make it so that they all just forgave themselves God. Yeah. Okay, no. And I think one of the big sort of messages that just sort of exists in the community like that, sort of, I want to call it like, there's, there's like, this is very romantic. But there's like an aroma of this floating around, which is I'm flattered you call it an aroma. But with just this, this, this pervasive idea that the way that an ADHD person behaves, is not due to a moral failing. Yes, it's you're not you didn't forget, you know, your anniversary. Because you're a bad person. You did it because you have the working memory comfortable, like a 95 year old. Yeah. Like it's, it's not about, you know, a matter of caring. We're just as likely to forget something massively important as we are to forget something massively unimportant. It's not something that we can control. And, honestly, I mean, I've been forgiving myself more lately for that. largely thanks to you, Katie. And you, Sarah, and the entire community, but I really wish we really, yeah, really? Well, I really feel

Catie 43:20

it was literally just gonna say the same thing about you. Were you really Yeah. Like I literally feel like I've been treating myself more kindly because I've met you. It's like a real thing. Really? Like we just do we just have a moment. I think we had a moment, Sarah, well, I think

to shut

Sarah 43:37

this down, same thing, because we're all stuck in the house. And we're watching all these people be themselves. And then you're able to open the door and be like, Okay, if I'm okay with myself, what does that mean? And then all these things become morally neutral. Like I follow this other tick talker domestic blisters? Yeah. Oh my god, the way she more morally neutralized keeping a clean house has healed me to the core. Like, you know, all that mom guilt, all that bullshit. So it's really strange, like, tick tock. It's wonderful. It is.

Catie 44:19

It is wonderful. Like and just and honestly, like just and this is maybe silly too, but just being able to like openly talk about like the trauma of feeling broken and the trauma of like being told over and over and over again that like my room was never clean enough and like that kind of thing. Like that video blew up like I talked like I just like and that was like a throw the phone on video. Like I didn't think about it. I didn't particularly set out to like, make a grand profound statement. But like that was something that really resonated with people and I realized like how much trauma I had been carrying about the fact that my house is messy and it was old from these experiences that I had had. And then I went, Oh, and it was the same kind of thing, like you just said to her like, it was it was very healing. And I was like, for the friend, this was like, less than a month ago, you know, like, and it was just that moment of like, maybe I'm really not a terrible person, because I'm messy, like, maybe I'm kind of awesome. I just suck it sweeping, you know, and that was really like, relevant story for me.

Sarah 45:26

I totally agree. And I also feel like the rest of society, the volume has been turned down, because we're all just in a shock. And just everything just stopped. So for once, we can actually like hear other point of points of view, like, Oh, yeah, the dominant voice isn't like in our ear. 24 seven, and we're not hustling here and there and everywhere. It's like, all of a sudden, it got quiet, and all of a sudden, it was like, Hey, we're, we're okay. Like, it's, yeah,

Catie 45:55

yeah, yeah, I think a lot of people I've seen that a lot is just the the, the reaction to the pandemic be being, you know, struggling and struggling with the loneliness and the isolation and that kind of thing. But also, like, finding yourself a little bit more and finding the places where like, you were not being authentically yourself, because you were performing, there's like that, that, that obligation to be this idea of whatever. And then you take away that Shakespeare in the theater and whatever, and it all goes away, and then all sudden, you're just left with who you are intrinsically at your core. That and weird.

Erik 46:39

Yeah, it felt sort of like a like a distillation. Like, it was just me alone in my house. Yeah. And so there wasn't a thing I couldn't distract myself with by going to a movie or something like that. I was just, I just had to sit there and go like, Huh. And it was it was also this sort of have the effect of isolating a variable. Whereas I know who I am in, you know, at work, and I know who I am when I'm on the bus, and I know who I am. But when you take all those away, and suddenly you just slap yourself against a blank canvas. I that's when I really started to realize one how much my ADHD profoundly affected my life. And be how exhausting it is to mask. Oh, my God.

Unknown Speaker 47:21

Yes. And so

Erik 47:22

I that's sort of why. Why am I yeah, I think I made that first HD video was like, You know what, I'm just gonna show like, this is what this really looks like. Yeah, really not. You know, the whole like, Oh, look, a squirrel. Ooh, shiny thing. Although, I mean, that's definitely part of it. For some people. It's, it's all the time everyday. It's not just something to make school harder. It's something that makes everything harder. Because every time I get up to go do a thing, I'll forget what on the way there. I'll forget what it was. And I'll just think I hope I remember what I was doing. By the time I get there. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. And so I just stand there and get really mad at myself, and then go back to what I was doing. And I just, I feel like because of the pandemic, and because I was alone in my house, and everybody was alone in their house. Hopefully. They still are. That's it was good to show that, I think, because I think

Catie 48:15

it's important for people to know that they're not

Erik 48:17

alone. Absolutely. Yeah. And as

Catie 48:19

I say it over and over and over on my tech dock to the point where like, people make fun of me like, oh, you're not alone. What a clever ending deer tick tock, but I'm like, but you're not. And I'm gonna keep saying it. Because like, you know, I don't know if you have this experience, but like, I don't make my tic tocs. For views. I make my tic toc for the one person who needs to hear it that day. And if 100,000 people see it great. Maybe there was two people, or 500 people see it. I sure hope that one person thought like, that's the thing. If one person learned something from my video, if one person hears you're not alone for the first time, all of the work and all of the pressure and all of the stress and the obligation and and everything, the weird sort of everything to what our lives have become. I think it's worth it. Yeah. Because that 12 year old somewhere, needs to hear that. And I will keep saying it. Until I can't say it anymore.

Sarah 49:19

Yeah, I I feel that way about the work we're doing in general, I feel that way. Because sometimes I think well, maybe I should be doing something else. Maybe you know, but I always go back to the same thing. Like every email, I get every social media posts, I get where someone's hearing this for the first time and they're like, I didn't know that's worth it. That's worth everything.

Erik 49:43

Oh, yeah, that's that's one of the most heartening things I read it like it in common is when somebody just says like, I really needed to hear that.

Catie 49:48

I mean, I don't want to speak for Eric, but like, I really feel like through this silly app that is meant for teenagers to do trendy dances to like I really feel like I've found my purpose. And I really feel like I have found something that not only am I passionate about, but I'm good at it. And it's weird to be like, I'm good at Tick Tock because that's silly. That's a silly thing to be good at. But like distilling it down, like, I'm really good about, I'm, I'm passionate about education. And I'm good at it. And it's like, I have this thing where like, I can help people, we can help people like you, Sarah are constantly helping people. And it's like, that is such a gift, like that is such a profound gift. And to have found it in the middle of the dumpster fire of 2020. I feel really lucky. And I feel really privileged. And I feel really grateful. And so like, that has become kind of the thing that I think about the most is that like, those comments in those emails and those posts in the the fan art and the mail and ever like, it's all part of this incredible gift of getting to look at somebody who might not have ever heard it for the first time and saying you are not alone, and you are not broken, and you are not a bad person. You just have hormones.

Sarah 51:16

I know it's being it's a cliche, but it's being the person you wish you had when you were younger.

Catie 51:23

I get to be that person

Sarah 51:24

now. And that's amazing. So healing and it feels good. And I totally agree with you. It's like I, I also felt like I found my true purpose in that way, because I was podcasting before the pandemic. And I had, I had a moment where I was like, I can't do this anymore pandemic. And so I shut I shut it down. But then I found ADHD, Twitter, and connected with all these people. And I was like, I have to talk to these people on with microphones and a recorder. I have to talk with him. I have to talk to all of them. So I rebooted my podcast.

Catie 51:57

Can you teach us how to be good at Twitter? Because I have no idea what I'm doing. That's terrifying. I've just I feel like I'm just shouting and like, Hello, I'm here. someone noticed?

Sarah 52:09

Yes. If you can help me figure out Tick tock, I can definitely deal. any day of the week, I'll trade you strategies, excuse me? Because I still don't know what I'm doing on Tick Tock. It was just like, I'm just dipping my toes in. I'm mostly a spectator. I don't even know what the word is a consumer. lurker, a lurker. Yeah.

Erik 52:36

My, my one piece of advice, not to say that I'm good at I don't feel like I'm good. Oh, I think you're doing something else, we have to remind me like, Eric, it's the morning time, we're gonna make some of that content, like, okay. But, um, my advice would just be to like to just, you know, throw up the phone, just put the camera on face, make it face you, just, if you have a thought throw up the phone. That's what that's why Twitter is really hard to me, because I have to type Yeah, and I think a lot faster than I can type on a phone. And so by the time I get, you know, 30 characters in, we'll have a bunch of other stuff. And we'll forgot what I'm saying. And I'll just think forget the whole thing in general. But with Tick tock, you can just throw up the phone and just start talking and just go well, I was thinking about this, you know, and so that's my, that would be my tic Tock advice.

Sarah 53:20

And my Twitter advice to you is exactly the same. So you're thinking to yourself, but I don't have time to edit this down into 180 characters. People are threading now, so you can ramble your ass off because you just keep adding a thread and adding a thread and adding a thread. But that's all I do on Twitter is if I and that's actually how I'm learning tic Tock because I'm starting to make the connection of all of this. We're just having a unique thought kernel, or whatever. And that's it.

Erik 53:49

Yeah, little nugget of

Sarah 53:51

thought that's unique. And that really is for any medium, you know.

Erik 53:55

Honestly, I feel like not a bad way to for you to start just to get the momentum going. is you could just read your tweets. Yeah, just really just just read. Oh my god, just be like, well, greenscreen action. Yeah, just point it and just read it out loud. People do that all the time. I

Sarah 54:11

love that. Thank you. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 54:14

ideas free.

Sarah 54:14

Oh my god. That's such a gift. Because I could do that all day life changing advice. Have

Catie 54:21

you considered sharing the stuff that you've already made? Yeah. That's where it is already

Erik 54:26

made a lot of stuff. I

Sarah 54:27

love it. I love it. I love it.

So we're gonna go from here. Do we want to tell people the name of your podcast? Because we've talked about it? Oh, yeah. What is probably helpful. Yeah, we're like, oh, yeah, we have a podcast. Good

Catie 54:45

luck finding it.

Sarah 54:49

Yes. So what's the name of the podcast? Yes.

Erik 54:51

So we have a podcast. It's called Katie and Eric's infinite quest on ADHD adventure. If you just search engine quest, it should come up.

Unknown Speaker 55:01

It's available wherever you listen to podcasts except for Amazon because we still haven't figured that one out

Sarah 55:05

really hard. Oh, maybe I can help. We'll cut this out, Helen.

Catie 55:10

I did the submission II thing, and they were like, we'll get back to you. And then I never heard from them. What are

Sarah 55:14

you using as a publisher? Who's your host? Inc? Oh, I don't know how to do it on anchor. Okay. I did it on Lipson by just checking a box that said Amazon, I guess that's not very helpful.

Erik 55:27

I wanted it automatically like because it said like, do you want us to run the whole gambit? And it was like, Yeah, totally. And then we was like,

Catie 55:32

Yeah, like Amazon was weird, but like, it's just I don't know. Like, that's like the one where people just can be like, but I can't find you on Amazon and like, well, then listen somewhere. infinitely practical. I'm just like, Oh, just open up Spotify. It's fine. I solve your problem. You're such a stage manager.

Unknown Speaker 55:53

It's fine. Fine. Fine.

Erik 55:57

All I'll give you an alternate way to give you a clean or clean take.

Catie 56:02

Yeah, sorry, Helen. We're very sorry.

Sarah 56:04

Oh, Helen's loving this. She's laughing her ass off right now. Hey, stop. Oh, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 56:10

you can so uh,

Sarah 56:11

yeah, go for it. Oh, sure.

Erik 56:13

Katie and I have a podcast. It's called Katie and Eric's infinite quest. We pump we post on Thursdays. But also we post some other stuff at random times, because we're still trying stuff out. You can email us stuff you want us to talk about? at infinite quest podcast@gmail.com.

Unknown Speaker 56:31

Gmail is free.

Erik 56:32

Because Gmail is free. And we also have patreon.com slash infinite quest if you want to help me move to Atlanta. So Katie, and I can spend more time working because I currently live 2500 miles away.

Unknown Speaker 56:45

dum,

Unknown Speaker 56:47

dum, dum, dum. All right,

Erik 56:51

you're doing an add on somebody else's.

Sarah 56:52

I feel like my brain just like clocked out. But I'm so happy to have both of you here and to meet you guys. And hopefully have you back again sometime. Because this was wonderful. We would love that. I would love that too. I would love that a lot. So I'm

Catie 57:11

gonna need somebody to talk more about ovarian torsions. Let me know.

Sarah 57:14

Oh, yeah, we have to do a sex episode. We have to do a kink episode.

Catie 57:18

Yes. Because it's a very, very passionate about it.

Sarah 57:22

Yeah. And there's there's hormones involved there. So it's topical. So yeah, definitely. So, um, have a wonderful day. I'm sorry. My brain is just like, Dawn. Listen,

Catie 57:34

we all have ADHD. We're all in it together. I fundamentally understand. Thinking about the couch. I'm gonna go buy an Ikea at about like, 130. So you're, Oh,

Sarah 57:44

ah, this is why I love interviewing ADHD people. Well, you guys have a wonderful

Catie 57:49

podcast, you're cool. But like, Man, that couch is gonna be sweet.

Sarah 57:53

You guys have a wonderful day. And Helen will figure out how to fade this out and all that good stuff. Wonderful favorite, Helen.

Catie 58:00

This is what we do for the transition. transition. That's it, you just say transition.

Sarah 58:08

transition. And until next time, happy adulting.

Catie 58:14

Thank you so much.

Erik 58:16

Thanks, Sara. See you guys later. It's a pleasure. I'll see you later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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