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Navigating ADHD on its own is HARD. Navigating ADHD and romantic relationships is just well – brutal! In this episode I talk about how my husband and I get through the ups and downs. Here are the top three tips I talk about on the episode.
1 – Be honest & communicate
When you start identifying behavior that may be tied to your ADHD, communicate that. Otherwise, it can appear like you’re being inconsiderate when really it could be a simple case of your ADHD brain misfiring. Example: I notice that I impulsively have ideas, then once I think them through they can be a bad idea. On the surface, this could frustrate somebody who thinks you can’t make up your mind. But once you explain the wiring behind what’s going on, it starts to make more sense.
2 – Don’t underestimate the anxiety piece.
This especially comes to play in the bedroom. According to my therapist, the general rule of thumb is women need to be relaxed to have sex while men have sex to relax. The ADHD lifestyle is fertile grounds for anxiety, so take the proper precautions to set the stage for a relaxing evening. Example: I know that my family comes home at 6:30 pm every night, so I give myself some buffer time to make sure I’ve done everything I need to do before they come home. This way I’m more enjoyable to be around ….. And my husband and I may get lucky later!
3 – Live in the present
When you’re at work, be at work. When you’re at home, be at home. Same goes for volunteering, hobbies and other activities. Keeping these worlds as separate as possible can be helpful for ADHD’ers. It allows you to be present in the moment and not worried about other things.
Tips from my husband for partners:
- Be patient. Accept the good with the bad. It can be frustrating, but underneath it he sees the person he loves.
- Take it one day at a time. Don’t hold grudges when you go to bed. Some things will carry over, but for the most part try to start a new day with a clean slate.
- Share expectations & check in early and often.