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Women With ADHD Gotta Fight Like Hell

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women with adhd

Before I hop into this episode, I wanna give you a little background on what happened here. You’re gonna be hearing my third recording of this morning’s episode. I decided to keep it. It’s very raw, it’s very real. But I think it’s important that you hear the behind the scenes stuff of someone who’s giving all this great advice and trying to walk the walk. To give you a little background, my first shot of the episode was gonna be a cutesy episode about famous women with ADHD, which I’m still gonna do. But there was something wrong with the audio recorder on my phone, and so I recorded this whole episode and found out it wasn’t working.

Then I decided to make lemons into lemonade and record another episode on the way to the vet to drop off my cat, so it was gonna be a cool day in the life thing. There was my cat howling in the background and it would have been amazing, amazing audio. That also did not save because, at the time, I hadn’t put together that it was my phone microphone that was wrong. Those are two episodes that I definitely intend on doing later, but what you’re about to hear is my third shot.

I definitely am not my usual uplifting self, and I kinda went back and forth on whether to publish this because it is kind of … I don’t want you to take it as a downer. I hope it does empower you, because the call to action at the end is to fight like hell and I talk about a lot of the struggles that you have to contend with when you are trying to make such huge change. I decided to keep it in, so you’re getting the raw deal. This episode is very raw, very personal. I’m gonna go ahead and just keep it and not worry about sounding like a downer, because I think you guys need some authenticity and I think that’s why you listen in the first place.

Support for Women With ADHD

With that, I’m gonna go ahead and jump into the recording. Real quick before I do, if you want more support, more resources, more tricks and tips and access to a support group of like-minded women with ADHD, please feel free to go to my website, adultingwithadhd.com. I’m also on Twitter and Instagram @adhdadulting. I’m on Facebook @adultingwithadhd. And as always, please feel free to email me at contact at adultingwithadhd dot come. Until next week, happy adulting.

I’m gonna jump into some things you’re gonna go through when you’re making a major life change, which is what literally is going on right now with me. Maybe you are in college and just going back to school, and maybe you’re a mom, or maybe you’re in a career, but these are all the things that you’re gonna run into when you take really great advice like calendar blocking and waking up early. You’re gonna feel things, and it’s okay to feel things. I’m having all the feelings right now. Mostly anger, anger that is stemming from anxiety that I’m failing. I’m dropping everything. I’m disappointing my husband. I’m failing my child. I’m failing my job. I have relentlessly been beating myself up.

This morning, I finally … I always end up fessing up to my husband, and that’s what happened today. We talked it out, and I realized I’m just having all the feelings right now. Part of this cocktail of feelings includes anger stemming from anxiety, but also this tendency to wanna blame others. I think a lot of it’s projecting. A lot of it is I’m so mad at myself that I am casting it out at other people. People who are calling me when I’m trying to focus. People who are doing dishes while I’m trying to go to bed so I could wake up early. Yes, I can talk to these people and say, “I’d prefer if we did things this way. This would help me. Please don’t call unannounced and take 20 minutes of my time. Give me advance notice before you wanna have a long conversation. Don’t do dishes at 10:30 to keep me up.” Yeah, those are all practical things I can request of somebody, but I can’t be mad at them and blame them because I am in over my head.

Flipping The Script

I’ve been in over my head, and maybe I need to flip the script on that. Maybe I’m not in over my head, but this is just what it feels like to be performing at a high level and I’m getting used to a new schedule. There is not a single plate I wanna put down, and I’ve already cut everything that wasn’t essential. Everything I’m doing is essential and I’m not willing to let it go. That’s it, I’m gonna do this. Maybe I’m not drowning, maybe I’m just getting used to making room for all these things in my life. Excuse me. And maybe that’s okay.

You might be blaming other people, and there might be a kernel of truth to what you’re blaming them for. But they’re not the reason you’re imploding on yourself or you’re having all these feelings, only you can make yourself have those feelings. Sometimes you’re just gonna need to just hit the brakes on everything and go get a Belgian waffle breakfast sandwich from Dunkin’ Donuts, and that’s okay. That’s what happened this morning, and that’s okay. I’m gonna bang out this episode and I’m gonna finish my day. I’m gonna go on a date with my husband. I’m not canceling my date. I’m not canceling my play date tomorrow with my daughter. This weekend, I’m gonna go to my sister’s shower. I’m gonna do all that, and I’m gonna finish my day job commitments and my podcast commitments, because I refuse to drop any of those things. I’ve cut out everything that can be cut out. Everything I’m working with is completely essential things I want to do, and I’m gonna find a way to do it.

The Expectations

There’s gonna be forces conspiring against you. The whole world is set up to make you feel like you’re not grooming your cat good enough, so you’re gonna take your cat to the groomer’s. Or you’re gonna have people interrupting you, like right now. You’re gonna have social media feeds that tell you you’re not living up to your full potential. You’re gonna have entrepreneurs telling you that you should be living this life, or you should be a digital nomad and live off of avocado toast or you’re not living your beset life. Everything is conspiring against you, and it’s … I don’t say that so you could feel sorry for yourself, I’m saying that so you know that the world’s programmed for you to follow a certain set of actions.

I’m kinda pulling from Kanye West here, and I’m not really a big Kanye West fan, but he was on Jimmy Kimmel recently talking about this. But I do agree with this one piece he talked about. But all the actions that go through your day, everything is set up for you to follow a certain course of action. As a marketer, I know this. Those people who invest a lot of money in technology to see how you behave and what you’re gonna do next, and your whole world is programmed that way and it’s beyond technology. When you drive on the street, there is a certain set of rules that we, as a society, all agree on. We’re gonna drive on this side of the street and we’re gonna stop when the light’s red. You’re operating in this framework of how the world is supposed to be working, but there are things that are conspiring against you.

A Woman’s Place

You’re a woman, so when your AC is broken and you know it’s broken, and you go to the mechanic to get it fixed, they’re not gonna take you as seriously. Sorry. You’re gonna have to send your husband out there for them to fix it. Sorry. If, God forbid, you have to go see a cardiologist some day, he’s gonna try to tell you that your ADHD thing is fake, and that you’re a drug addict and that you’re taking meth. Not you, but people like you. You’re the exception. I’m not talking about you, but you know. There is nothing against ADD, and Adderall is not [inaudible 00:10:54].

If you’re a woman with ADHD, you’re gonna have that stuff everywhere, everywhere, and you’re gonna have to fight harder. You’re gonna have to fight harder than your male counterparts, because you’re also probably the nurturer in your family if you’re a mom. You’re just gonna have to compete with more, and that’s just it. It’s not pity party, poor me, it’s this is where you’re at and make peace with that. Fight for the life that you want. Feel things, and know it’s okay to feel things. But then you go get your Belgian waffle breakfast sandwich, you eat it, and then you fight like hell ’cause you deserve all the things that you want.

And with that, I’ll see you next week. Until then, happy adulting.

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