Coping Strategies for ADHD With Elise Kumar


coping strategies for adhd

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In this episode, STUFF! up your Life founder Elise Kumar shares her diagnosis story and coping strategies for ADHD. To learn more about Elise, visit https://twitter.com/elisekumar or https://www.patreon.com/stuffupyourlife.

TRANSCRIPT 

Sarah

This is the adulting with ADHD podcast, self empowerment for women with ADHD. Today, I have a wonderful guest I met on ADHD Twitter, which is just the most fabulous place on earth to be right now for people. Yes, totally. It’s like the

Elise

one place in the universe that does not suck.

Sarah

It really is right now. That’s how I feel. Elise , am I pronouncing that correctly? Yes, and founder of stuff up, founder of stuff up your life, which we are going to discuss. very wonderful to have you on here. I’ve been following you on and off for quite a while. But it wasn’t until recently that I’ve really stuck around Twitter and Ernest, and I think it is because it really does feel like the only safe place right now is HD twins. So um, yeah. Tell us a little bit about you about your, your diagnosis story to start with?

Elise

Well, I’ve actually been I had no psychiatric issues from when I was quite young. So I saw psychiatrists and psychologists throughout my adolescence and early adulthood. And it was always just depression, anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, nothing ever really seemed to help all that much. I had a traumatic childhood. So I was, I was abused by both parents basically. And there was, you know, things in my childhood, that just really sucked. So I think, well, I thought, and all of the professionals basically thought this is because of trauma. Yeah. This is this is all trauma related. And I’m sure a lot of it was trauma related, because I was traumatized. Yeah. But I kind of got to the point where

Elise

didn’t feel depressed, I didn’t feel like I hated myself, I felt good about myself and where I was at in my life, but I just couldn’t get anything done or do the things that I wanted to do. And I saw, so I kind of went back to, to seeing people and I kind of ran into this wall where I would spend, you know, three or four sessions detailing my life story, and, you know, everything that has happened to me up until now, and all of the things that I’ve tried and all of the different people that I’ve seen in the different kinds of therapies that I’ve gone through, and it would take, it takes two or three sessions just to kind of go through my childhood and you know, the different configurations of different step parents that came in and out and, and all of this, you know, stuff. And then, you know, I would kind of go through all of that and be like, okay, so after the last month of talking to you, this is where I’m at this is this is this is who I am. Can you help me? And the psychologist just kind of looked at me and went, Wow, you’re doing really well, considering what’s happened to you. You know, well done. I think you should feel really proud. Yeah. And I’m like, Okay, what do I do with that? What do I do now. Um, so then I just gave up and I was like now, ah, no more of this, like, I’ll just, I’ll just deal with this on my own. And then you know, things got good for a while and then started to get bad again. And then in 2011, and 2012, which was just after my then boyfriend, now husband joined the Navy. Mm hmm. And I was kind of, not like, we didn’t live together before that. So, but I was kind of emotionally more kind of, on my own in some, in some ways. Yeah. And some parts of my life were going really, really well. But I just was non functional. And, you know, my career was going really well, I was planning a wedding to a man I was deeply in love with. And everything was on its surface, good. But I just was running on absolute empty and couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t really function outside of the routine and structure of work. It was the first time I lived on my own. And in some ways that was really, really good, because I didn’t have that overwhelming guilt of not pulling my weight with all of the household chores and keeping up with everything. But I would come home on a Friday night from work, and kind of go to bed and then not really get out again until Monday morning. Yeah, and I just didn’t, I couldn’t, couldn’t function outside of that structure. So then, after the wedding, which was amazing. Awesome, I then moved into state. So I moved from Melbourne up to Sydney, where my husband was posted. So I had had this, you know, 12 months of just being what I called, then I was like, I’m horribly depressed. But looking back. I wasn’t, I wasn’t depressed, in that I didn’t want to do these things. I just couldn’t. And so, after I moved, I was like, right, okay, I’m going to try again, I’m going to get this sorted out. And, you know, go and see a new therapist, and, you know, found a GP to refer me to a therapist found, found a psychiatrist, and went through the whole history and bought brought with me this file of all of the letters that my abusive father had sent to me after. During a few of various points in my life, where, you know, my mom had confronted him over stuff, and then it written back to deny things and court cases that had happened with my other siblings, and it’s just this file of terrible crap. Right? Right. And, you know, brought brought that along and went through all of the history again, brought everything up again. And she diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, which I had, which was new, after, you know, so many years of just, you know, just depression to death, just depression. So depression,

of course, I

Elise

think kills people like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so that was that was new. And that was exciting, in some ways, because it was pretty new and different. And so I had a way to kind of frame some of my issues with my kind of emotional regulation and my sense of identity and sense of self and things. So that was, that was really exciting. But then when I started to do the therapy with her, it just seemed just ridiculous to me. And I had, like, I had huge screaming arguments with her, which she then said, this is because you have borderline personality disorder that we experienced. There’s conflict. And I kind of walked out. And I was like, No, this is because you would, completely dismissing my experiences and not listening to me. Because this this, the last argument that I had with her was I was trying to explain to her how I’d always had this kind of fascination with reality and whether things are real or not real. Is this Is this a dream? Is this a simulation? That kind of thought experiment I’d always been really drawn to. So it was to the point that by the time the matrix came out, and people were like, Oh, my God, this is blowing my mind. I was like, yeah, this is just so boring. Like, I live, I don’t understand why you’re so like, enamored with this film, because, like, I’ve written like, a million stories on this topic already. Like, I prefer the part where they just start shooting stuff, that was the fun part for me. So, you know, I was trying to explain to this psychiatrist, this deep kind of fascination and how I still found that really deeply fascinating. And trying to explain to her that at some points in my past, I had kind of dissociated to the point where I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or not, because I have recurring dreams, at different parts in my life, of really realizing my dream and then waking up. And sometimes that would happen kind of five or six times in, in a dream session that I would realize, this is a dream, and I would wake up, but then it would still be a dream, and I would wake up, and it would still be a dream. And wow.

That’s incredible. So

Elise

once or twice in my life, I had the experience where after genuinely waking up, I was still not quite sure. And felt like maybe I would still, you know, drink. Um, and so I was trying to kind of explain these two simultaneous things to this psychiatrist. I have this kind of fascination with unreal reality. And I’ve had these experiences. Very, very noticeable notice a bar, because that’s not how I normally feel by. And thirdly, I studied history and philosophy of science at uni. And one of the things that really kind of fascinated me in the philosophy of science part was the philosophy about what is reality is, is, is this real? Is there any way to tell if this is real? Or if it’s a dream? Or if I’m a brain in a jar? Or this is a simulation? Can Can we establish whether or not that’s true? And she just kind of looked me in the eye and she said, Well, science says that this is real. So all of that is nonsense. And you shouldn’t, you know, this is basically this is silly. sciences. This is real. And I’m telling you, I’m a doctor, and I’m telling you that this is reality right now. And I was like, Whoa, I know that. But also, if there’s no way to tell, yeah, that cool. Like,

Sarah

yeah, right. Yeah. Like, like, you don’t know. We don’t? We don’t know. So she was claiming that she? And

Elise

she was like, Yes, it is sciences. It’s real. And I’m like, I wanted science in history and philosophy of science, and there’s a lot of like, philosophical discussion, that, you know, philosophical philosophers have concluded that no, we cannot tell there isn’t. There’s no way to know for sure. Because that could be part of the simulation as well. So

Sarah

yeah, like that. We’re, you’re dreaming. The thing with the butterfly? Do you remember that? The theory of dreaming and that philosopher that talked about being a butterfly and not knowing whether he was dreaming As a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he was a human. Do you remember that? It’s the only thing I remember from my philosophy class. But I, I resume, it resonated with me as well. Like there is no evidence to the contrary. That’s I have similar conversation with a therapist about. I hate being dismissed. Yeah, go ahead.

Elise

Yeah, I was, I was like, I have a degree in this like, Oh, God. Yeah. And I’m really upset that you are basically telling me that that’s all garbage. And she’s like, well, it is

what? This is

Sarah

surreal, like just hearing this, like,

Elise

I was so upset, like, I was so so upset. And then it was the end of our time. And I was just in this, like, I was so. so upset with her, because she was just dismissing me and misunderstanding me. And I was like, I don’t like, and then saying, I don’t understand why you’re so upset by this. And I’m like, because you just called my passion. And my like, study, useless. And she was like, what it is, basically, Oh, wow. So I was, I was like, wow, I’m never going back to her. And but because she had kind of, I hadn’t even seen her for very long at this point. You know, this is only kind of two months. relationship. Yeah. But I was like, I’m gonna go and see my GP. So I caught like, on the way home, I made an appointment with my GP who had a really good relationship with and went and saw her and said, I don’t want to see this psychiatrist anymore. We’ve just had this huge argument about, about the nature of reality, and whether science can tell us that philosophy is bullshit. And my dog, my GP was like, That’s weird. That’s a weird thing for her to argue with you about. And I was like, sorry, because I’m not seeing her weekly. Can we just, you know, touch base on a weekly basis? until you find me somebody else to refer me to refer to and? And she was like, Yes, that’s it. Yeah, let’s make you can come back in a week. And I’ll touch base with you and all, you know, find another, another person to refer you to. And she was like, I’m so sorry. This therapist comes with really good recommendations and everything. But clearly, it was just a very bad fit for you. So and I’m so glad I did that. Because the next week when I went back to my GP to see if she had found somebody else to refer me to. She said, You’re like, because I had called and canceled all of my appointments. Yeah, she said, she called me and told me that she was concerned that you were delusional and losing touch with reality. And wanted me to touch base with you. Because you had canceled your appointments. And I was like, I don’t think I’m delusional or losing touch with reality, but aware that I might not be able to tell if that was the case.

Sarah

Yeah, that’s so condescending. Like, like,

Elise

I spoke to you last week, when you were really upset after your compensation we did and you are you were an act completely, you know, rational and like, there was no indication that that you are suffering from any kind of delusion or are not aware of where you are. And I was like, this was this was a kind of theoretical discussion. Like me doubting that that was so bizarre. It was so bizarre and I was like, Whoa, what? What is this? Like? What? So then I got a new different car having this horrible experience. Again, sir, I again after going through all of my Oh, no in it and I sat down and I said I was abused. I’ve gone through it 1000 times. I just want to treat the way that I am right now. Yeah. So can we just leave that for now and see if we can just address how things are right now. And then when I’m ready, we can delve back into all of that trauma. But right now I just need to be able to function. Yeah. Oh, it’s like, yeah, that sounds reasonable. So we just kind of went straight into what things are like right now and what I’m doing right now. And the medication that the other psychiatrist had put me on, she put me on Seroquel.

Yeah.

Elise

Which made me just want to sleep all the time.

Sarah

Even the names the name makes me want to sleep. Sounds.

Elise

Yeah. And it just made me want to eat chips all the time. Like I always just wanted to eat hot chips and pasta. And that’s one of one of the known side effects of that medication is that it makes you crave carbs or carbohydrates. Yeah. And when I mentioned this to that psychiatry, she was like, No, you’re on such a low dose that’s not happening.

Now, wow.

Elise

Wow, I’m telling you that it was just like, no, it doesn’t happen like that, at this dosage. I don’t know. Looking back, I’m like, I should have just walked out of there after the first session. Like she just never respected me or understood me or believed anything I said, basically, so bizarre. Anyway, this next slide is the second Sydney psychiatrist who

Sarah

sent me part to

Elise

champion the depths of my trauma. And he asked me a different set of questions, and said, I do not think you have a personality disorder, this Yeah, not fit at all with what you’re saying to me. I had, at that point, been in a relationship for seven years, which was very steady and solid. And he was in the Navy, we had spent two years long distance, and he was, you know, probably going to go to say, and then did go to save for seven months out of in our first, you know, first year of marriage, he spent seven months quite see. Yeah, and that’s not really something that somebody with borderline personality would, would not be able to deal with that very well with the kind of fear of abandonment that often goes with with that. disorder. And he was like, do you think he’s coming back? And I’m like, yeah. kind of question is, don’t worry when he’s, uh, when he’s on a ship. Like he’s, yeah, like, this does not fit with, you know, borderline personality disorder. That’s not, you know, wow. Kind of that fear of rejection. And that fear of abandonment is kind of Philly intrinsic to, to that as, as far as I’m no, I’m no expert on it. But from what he said, he was like, No way you do that? And he said, I think you have ADHD. And I was like, What? Yeah, what wouldn’t somebody have noticed before now?

Sarah

Yeah.

Elise

Right. And so I was, I was 30. And he started me on a very low dose of stimulants. And it was just life changing, just absolutely. life changing. And so that, that meant that I could get through my life and that, that the next few years, with my husband being away, and back and away and back, which is quite, quite challenging, obviously.

Yes.

Elise

So it was during that time, after the diagnosis and after medication, that I started kind of creating this, this system of having these different levels of functioning. And so when my husband was going away, and I would speak to my psychiatrist and I was like, Going away. So I’ve just put in a grocery order with the supermarket to fill up my freezer with frozen lasagna. It’s like seriously, I ordered like 30, frozen lasagna ins. And heaps of these kind of instant rice boxes that came with rice and carry in a box and just ordered as many of those as they could to fill up my cupboards so that I never had an excuse not to eat something. Because I could always just put a lasagna in in the microwave and have something to eat. That would be, you know, not the healthiest thing to eat. But it would give me all of the appropriate macronutrients. Yeah. Of You know, I was getting, I was getting carbs and fats and proteins. And I would be physically able to function to get through kind of, to the next day to maybe get to the supermarket and buy a vegetable. And if I couldn’t, well, I still had something wrong. Yeah. And that that psychiatrist, the good succot, the good Sydney psychiatrist said Elysee was the most organized ADHD patient I have. And yet I don’t doubt your city. Yes. And survival was, was all about using the good times to prepare for the bad times. And this was kind of a huge mindset change for me, because I had always kind of assumed, once I can do all of the things I need to do, then I will just keep getting better. And if it wasn’t going well, all I need to do is keep doing what I’m doing, and then things will continue to go well. Yeah, and that’s not true, right? It’s not No, it’s not true. Like Yes, not those things, those things do help. And doing them does help. But at some point, you got something, something else gets hard. Those things just become too boring to be able to face or you just you it gets hard again. And when you expect things to keep going at that level. And you can’t do it. There’s this just horrible shame spiral. Yes. And so that was kind of an attempt to combat that. Is that in the in the good periods? I would prepare for things to get shit. Yeah. And if they didn’t, cool bonus, any bonus if they do well, I’m already prepared. Yeah, but during the ship times, I had and have less time doubting myself and going well, maybe I’m just lazy and that’s why I don’t want to do the dishes. And I I really, you know, I can’t let myself play video games and get away with that, because I have so many chores to do. And then just boom, scroll Reddit. Yeah, but 11 hours instead. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And

Elise

so that was that was that was part of the thinking is that so in, in the treading in the treading water gear. I gave myself play video games as a chore.

Wow.

Elise

So that’s one of in in treading water. One of my tools is either play video games, watch TV, read a book, or listen to a podcast. Something consume something for fun. That is what the end that’s it’s not. You can do this after you do all the chores. That’s one of the chores. I love. This is a thing to do, because it is it is planning to do for my mental health. And if I don’t let myself then I probably still won’t do the hard chores. Yeah, but if I feel like I don’t deserve to have fun or just relax. Then I just end up scrolling Reddit. Yeah, cuz because in some ways, because it’s Not fun. I feel like yeah, like, like,

Sarah

it’s so flagellation almost like Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I totally get that. Yeah.

Elise

If I, if I think about this, rationally, when I’m in a good state of mind, and I look back at those times at the Elise that struggling, and I think she should have just played video games. She didn’t do the chores. should have just played video games, then I might have not felt quite so shit The next day, like, so that’s, that’s why I play video games or you know, watch TV or whatever is engaged in a leisure activity is a chore that I need to attempt to do on a daily basis.

Yes.

Elise

Because otherwise, life will not feel like it’s worth living. Yes, it’s feel I just feel bad and guilty about all of the things that I’m not doing and that I don’t deserve to have nice things. So it’s, it’s not a you can do this. After you do the chores. It’s a no, you must do this. It’s not about whether you deserve to do it or not. I’ve told you, you have to. From the you know, the higher gear self tells the lower yourself.

Yeah, I

Sarah

Wow, that is that is so cool. So this the stuff up system, it’s an acronym and each letter is a different phase. Right?

Yeah. Correct. So

Elise

um, so at that point, it was it wasn’t named, it was just a different set of five different tags in, in my to do to do app. And then a couple of years later of me kind of using using this system, refining it moving things from gear to gear and all of that. I had this dream. It was it was 2018. And I had, I had this dream that I wrote a self help book. Cold stuff up your life. You dreamed of this. I dreamed it. That is so

cool.

Elise

It was so successful that it had several sequels. It was like, your relationship. your finances.

So awesome. Oh my gosh. So cool. Yeah, that is cool.

Elise

I woke up and that’s so cool. Yeah. Over the next kind of 24 hours. What if What if my, my level like, like, Can I can I make this acronym work?

Sarah

It came to you in a dream. That is incredible.

Elise

And then I manufactured the level names to fit the acronym I already had.

Sarah

The dreams. So cool. I you hear about stuff like that. But that’s incredible.

Elise

Now’s where the story gets even cooler. So at this time on Twitter, in 2018, so any few years ago,

yeah,

Elise

I had things 2018 Yeah, I’m sure it was something like that. I can, I can. Yeah. I had 200 followers on Twitter. Uh huh. And most of my, almost all of my interactions on Twitter were with people that I knew from either in real life or kind of other parts of the internet. And it was it was it was just my personal Twitter with my friends. That was that was it? Like, I yeah, I didn’t ever have anyone kind of lachelle reply to me without being somebody that I knew. Yeah. Um, and, you know, back in those days, if I, if I got a like, on a tweet, that was exciting, you know, somebody liked it. Like, that’s cool. Yeah, well, you know, out of those, those, I think, was 180 or something followers that I had, um, you know, a whole lot of those, you know, accounts that I’m following that are not following me kind of, yeah. You know, that, that kind of thing. And then, there was this one night where I just as I was getting into bed, sorry. I’ll do an ADHD thing. I’ve got to go back for a sec.

Sarah

Yes, yes.

Let’s turn around

Elise

to me. As I started writing, I wrote, I wrote some stuff. And I was like, Yes, I’m going to do this, I’m going to be disciplined. I’m going to, I’m going to make this dream a reality. And then of course, the next time I went to sit down, I’m like, so I’m going to do this, I need a Patreon. And it was set up a Patreon page, I need a logo. Yeah, graphics. You know, it’s been a couple of days in bending a logo and some graphics instead of doing any writing, because that would be way more boring. And so I created the Patreon page, and the logo and the graphics and everything. And it was not public. It was just created. But again, I you know, I had no, I had no audience. I was nobody. So So, you know, I’d created it, but I didn’t really think it was a thing. Because I actually had to write more before it could be a thing. Yeah. And then a month or so later.

Yes, yes.

Elise

Hi. was about to go to bed one night. I think it was a Saturday night, I was about to get into bed and I saw of something that I thought was kind of funny. And it was I was confident enough in its funniness. If nobody is like this, when I wake up in the morning, I’m gonna retweet myself, because I think three or four people are going to like this. Wow. So I posted it, went to bed. woke up in the morning. First thing I do grab my phone, look at Twitter. And clearly bleary eyed and looking at my phone and Twitter. It says your you’ve got more notifications than usual. Do you want to filter those? And I was like, No, no, I don’t want to filter my notifications. I want to see all of them. Like

notifications.

Elise

I had 20,000 20,000 20,000 oh my god next. The next kind of 36 hours basically by 48 hours. It was kind of the numbers were so big that you couldn’t see them ticking up anymore. It kept going for weeks and weeks. But

could you say

Elise

250,000 retweets on Twitter? Oh my gosh. 800,000 likes. And for the weeks months still now, I will get people tagging me on Facebook posts of the screenshot and get here’s your face. Yeah, it’s always thousands of luck. So let me see if I can say incredible.

Wow.

Elise

So chances are you probably saw it at the time and like

Yeah.

Sarah

I’ve had a baby since then. But I’m pretty sure I I probably did got sounds about the time I started following ADHD people. Holy moly. That’s crazy.

Elise

Oh, wow. Try and find it. I had it. Yeah, one of my pin posts for a while, but

total areas.

Elise

It was it was just it was so it’s this one. I don’t know if you can see it there. Let’s see. Oh, read it out. Yes. People say what did people do before vaccines slash anybody like slash pasteurization as if that’s an argument for going natural. They died Carol. A lot of people died. 20,000 when I woke up, it had 20,000 retweets and 75,000 likes. Oh my god. Now, as of the present day, it has 216,000 retweets. And 783,000 likes.

Wow.

And it’s still

Elise

today. It’s like it becomes even more relevant. reborn. Yeah.

Sarah

Holy crap. It’s pasteurized.

Elise

Wow has 35 million impressions on Twitter? That’s insane. Wow. And you know, it was on it was on Reddit with 10s of thousands of upvotes. It was on Instagram. It was it’s been on Facebook so many times on so many different pages always with thousands of life.

Care, Carol, I just

care.

Elise

As I said, less than 200 followers to having two and a half thousand followers on Twitter overnight. So it was it was mostly kind of 36 to 48 hours was the bulk of it. And then in the months afterwards, it was like 90% of my notifications were this one tweet. But because the numbers was so big by that point, it hasn’t kind of appreciably made those numbers go up because even a couple more thousand after that point. You know, it’s

Sarah

Yeah, I love you. We’re gonna retweet it if you liked it.

Elise

Which was?

Sarah

Yeah, it was not

Elise

time I was going to be. So it’s like the data might follow is that usually read Twitter during the day might miss it.

I don’t think that’s

that’s hilarious.

Elise

I mean, in the days where my phone was just, um, I thought I’m gonna just set my patreon live and put a link on it.

Sarah

Oh, yeah. Like, you can write the stuff like later.

Elise

So I, you know, I did have 1000 or so words that I’ve written, I banged out a couple of posts to put on Patreon. And I hate that suck alive. And I put a link on the tweet that was just on fire. Wow. And I ended up getting $10 worth of patrons based on nothing, but like they thought

a funny, funny, funny thought, and I have

Elise

no money and had nothing. And I’d posted something on a completely different topic. And I had $10 worth of subscriptions, which was just so exciting.

Why Yeah,

Elise

absolutely. And so then it was real. Like, then it was real. And so I just kept writing and creating and going, Okay, well, now I’ve got people paying me so all that gives me a shot of dopamine that makes me want to

Sarah

create stuff, right? Oh, dang, that is so cool. That is that

Elise

was that’s kind of how how that all happened. It’s

Sarah

Gosh, it’s almost supernatural. Like the idea of found you and then you and that’s fun, right? Yeah, that’s like very Whoo. Yeah,

Elise

yeah. Yeah, that’s incredible. And something that still blows my mind is that I did not have a drop off in followers that I noticed. They wanted my God. I got two and a half thousand followers in one day. And then my follower count has only kind of grown and I’m sure a lot of those people did then unfollow me but there were enough other people that that followed me. That that yeah, it’s Just kind of grown in those. A lot of those two and a half thousand people who, who followed me on impulse because they thought my tweet was hilarious. stuck around.

Sarah

This is not the origin story. It’s such a shocking story. Like, that is not the origin story I was expecting. That is amazing. That is amazing. Like, that’s far out. Dude. It’s so far out.

Elise

Wow.

Sarah

That is, that is incredible.

Elise

And so I think it’s been a really actually, it’s been a really good beginning to kind of being a creator online. Yeah. And asking for people to give me money and having an audience because it was so extreme. At the beginning. It really helps with the RSD. Yes. Because

Sarah

I had,

Elise

you know, millions of impressions, I think, when I launched that, you know, when I was kind of looking back on it, I think I had about 3 million impressions on Twitter to $10. And so, from then on, when I kind of do something, and I don’t immediately get people throwing money at me. I kind of have this this, this thing to calibrate against. Yes. Yeah, it’s a lot less than takes a lot. Like it’s a really, really wide funnel. Right. And so, now when when I launch something, and you know, nobody knocks on my door and says, Elise, we need you to give me give us this and we will like licenses off you for a million dollars. Like, that does not that doesn’t happen. And I don’t really feel like I expected it to any more like this. This just because of this really extreme experience that I had. I think it it really gives me something to calibrate against.

Sarah

It’s concrete. It’s tangible. Yeah. believable. It’s not so far out. Well, I mean, it’s far out but not not like, in the way you were, like a like an endorsement for like, you know,

Elise

yeah.

Sarah

Pepsi or something. Yeah,

Elise

I made a YouTube video about how to fold fitted sheets and put it on YouTube. And, like, six people liked it. It’s just still there. I only have to watch it after. Please do. Like, I think like a dozen people liked it. I was like, like, I don’t really take it personally, I think because I realized how much of that was just luck. Yeah, and just that somebody with a following retweeted me that got it in front of more people that got it in front of more people. And somewhere in the beginning there, it was just pure luck that somebody saw it and retweeted it, and then it caught on and I don’t know exactly like who it was out of my followers that got it into a wider audience. Because it already had 20,000 retweets by the time I saw it. So you have no

Sarah

idea like

Elise

the chronology Yes. I’m so many people have asked me like, you know, at what point did it take off? Like who know who Why did Dan, you know, you know, was had somebody famous following them or like, like, at what point, that tipping point? Yeah. I don’t know. you’re asleep. I was asleep. I can’t even view the list of people that have retweeted it. I couldn’t then when it was 20,000. I’m gonna count out when it’s 10 times that. I’m so sorry. I just Because I know that that was just luck. When it doesn’t happen. I don’t know, I don’t really care. Like I don’t I don’t take it personally, I don’t feel like it’s a judgment on, on my, my worth as a creator or on on my words or how, how good I was I think I’ve posted tweets that are funnier than that. And more useful to them than that and more profound than that. But

Sarah

yeah, I would agree

Elise

with that, that one took off. And so when, when something I post doesn’t doesn’t get visibility, I’m just like, the algorithm, you know, and I don’t feel like it’s, it’s a judgment on on my worst, or the worst of my words, because that one Carol tweet. As an ADA, Carol tweet is not that much better than my other Tweets. Like, it’s, it’s not 35 million impressions worth of better. Then some of the other tweets that I get that nobody likes or a couple of people like, yeah, it’s it’s just because more people saw that one. And then because more people saw it, more people saw it and more people saw it. And so that that really helps with, you know, if I something doesn’t catch on, I’m like, well, it’s just the other side of that coin.

Sarah

That’s true. Yeah.

Elise

And that, I think, really helps. But it is odd. Now, if I do have something take off a little bit. And you know, something gets a few hundred retweets. Yeah, I’m like, this, Is this good? is a good good, or is it? Like, wait, where is this on the scale of like, should I am I excited about this? Should I be excited? Feels good. Am I allowed to feel like it’s good when it’s only 200?

Sarah

I mean, yeah. After Yeah. After 20 K, I guess. You know? Yeah. But it’s quite a range. Yeah. Can you hear right around that? Well, you Oh, you froze for a minute. I thought that was really you with your head like this. And you were frozen. But you’re back out. Okay. You’re back.

Elise

Oh, yeah. It’s it’s. It’s weird.

Sarah

That’s incredible. Well, where can people find you on this Patreon? Is it still going? up? Tell us what you’re doing and where people in your chewing?

Elise

I’m gonna enjoy. Yeah, it’s almost lunchtime, you know?

Sarah

Oh, that’s right. You’re in a completely different time. So, yeah. I’ll let you chew. And then I’m gonna let you eat your lunch. But I wanted people to know where to find you so they could see all your funny tweets and, and stuff up their lives. Not just my funny ones. But the ones all of them good and meaningful and might give you insight and know you. Like yesterday last night? I I didn’t tweet. I didn’t tweet back. So I just didn’t know what to say. But I mean, your tweets last night about the struggles you have, you know, it’s like incredible following that, that journey through your tweets and you incredible and I I never say anything, because I don’t know what to say. Because it’s so I just throw in the words you know, and yeah, so yeah, it’s very multifaceted. It’s not it’s not all funny. Haha, it’s it’s very multifaceted and lots of depth. And yeah, yeah.

Elise

Well, I have ADHD, so I can’t really, you know, keep to a single topic or a single kind of vibe.

Sarah

Yeah, and none of us can even. Yeah, like, right before, right before our interview like retweeted something about a true crime story. Like, I don’t think anyone in my feeds gonna give a shit. But it’s like, you know, super exciting to me. Like, you know, maybe maybe next week I’ll share a recipe. I mean, if I cooked maybe I would. But

Elise

yeah, the thing I separate out is that when I play the seams, I tweet about my seams on it. I feel like

Sarah

yeah, I’ve had that feeling many times. Like, no one’s gonna want to hear this, but it’s gotta come out somewhere. It’s got to go somewhere. Yeah.

Elise

That’s done with your life. stuff. calm. Mm hmm. And then on Patreon, stuff up your life. And on Twitter, at least come on.

Sarah

Awesome. Elise, thank you so much for this interview. This was this was incredible,

Elise

really fun. I’m really, really excited to be able to tell you that story because it’s like the really cool stuff. It’s the best story

Sarah

like so incredible. And I think, gosh, I just yeah, that’s gonna be a lot to chew on for a while.

Well think about

Elise

do get young people occasionally, you know, at the at the kindergarten or something. Someone will see when it particularly if I redo my hair in the rainbows.

Uh huh. Yeah,

Elise

obviously, it’s just, it’s pink at the moment. When I have when I have the rainbows in my hair. Like, a couple of times a mom has come up to me it at my son’s kindergarten. I saw your tweet on Instagram.

I love it. That’s incredible.

Sarah

It’s me. Well, I’m gonna I’m gonna let you finish your lunch. But thank you so much for being on the show. And I will stop there. Yeah, and I’ll share all these links and I’ll share the the tweet heard round the world. I’ll share all that in the description and write the code. And I will have a good lunch and I will see you on Twitter. I can’t Not you too. Bye bye.

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