I attended a WordCamp today, basically a powwow where website creators dish on on all things WordPress, and it made me miss this blog really badly. I started my hiatus three months ago after becoming pregnant. It’s a very welcome development, but also really, really draining. Now in my second trimester, I’m in a difficult position of finally feeling able to pick it up again, but knowing my life is about to change again tenfold in a few short months. I grapple with the fear of going all in again only to have to shut it down once Gaby (working title) arrives.
But the show must go on. I have so many exciting tidbits to share about being pregnant and navigating career and family all while having ADHD. Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
I’ve Been Busy Making An Eyeball
Ali Wong hits the nail on the head in her Netflix special Baby Cobra:
“I can already see how a child can take its toll on a marriage because the baby hasn’t even come out yet and I am already so resentful towards my husband,” Wong says. “So much resentment. Especially when he asks me to do stuff around the house: Hey, can you wash the dishes? NO! Hey, can you water the plants? I AM NOT DOING JACK SHIT ANYMORE, I’M BUSY MAKING AN EYEBALL.” [full clip here]
Did I keep up my blog and all the admin tasks that come with it over the past three months? Nope! Did I pass all 6 of the AdWords certifications I attempted in the month of September? Nope! I did what I could, but you know what? I was busy making an eyeball.
I Haven’t Been Perfect, And I’m Good With That
My doctor advised me to only gain 10 pounds during this pregnancy because I am overweight. I promptly vowed to walk 30 minutes a day, remain fully hydrated at all times and only eat only the most nutritious foods. Have I stuck to this the entire time? Um, nope. Instead, I take the small victories where I can. I make sure my urine stays the correct shade of straw, I buy pre-prepped veggie and fruit snack trays from the produce section (because I’m too busy making an eyeball) and try to get in steps where I can. And, still I’m nowhere near perfect and I’m going to be okay with that.
Because I can’t take my ADHD medication, I’m not always 100% at work. I have days where I’m barely treading water, others where I completely blank out on something for no reason. While I haven’t given myself a carte blanche to just be a hot mess and expect everyone to clean up behind me, the one thing I don’t do is beat myself up. (Sometimes I do, but I try not to dwell. Stress is bad on the baby, right?)
I’m Trying To Enjoy The Moment
A few short months ago, I was lamenting about not being able to get pregnant. Now I’m so focused on what my limitations are and will be as I transition into motherhood. I’m sure in a couple of years my newest obsession will be conceiving Baby No. 2. The lesson I’m learning here is that I just need to enjoy what’s happening right now. I need to freaking live.
I’m not naive enough to think I’ll magically master the tenets of Buddhism, but there’s got to be a time when you say enough and realize that these meals out with your husband, these happy hours with co-workers (albeit dry these days) – they aren’t forever and their days are numbered. There’s a beautiful adventure waiting ahead, but still, times they are a’changing. I can’t squander my time focusing on what I don’t or won’t have.
I’m Showing Up When It Feels Right
I got really good at setting boundaries and saying “No” during my first trimester. And good for me, because honestly it’s taken 30+ years. Now that I’m feeling better in the second trimester, I’m making sure I still say “yes” once in awhile. That means a road trip to with my sister to a baby’s 1st birthday party. That means showing up more at my husband’s gigs. That means writing this blog. I’m not going to always nail it, but I’m still going to show up when I feel strong enough. Pro tip: The less pressure I put on myself, the easier it is for me to say yes. I also still am saying no and upholding those boundaries that have nurtured me so far. (So glad I learned how to do that before I became responsible for somebody else.)
How about you? What are you doing these days to ensure you’re managing your ADHD and all of life’s curve balls?
Photo: Unsplash/Vanessa Bumbeers